Journalism is a burning passion, consuming my insides like a fire shut up in my bones.
Yet, even I have started questioning whether this is where God wants me.
I know, I know...didn't expect that one did you?
After all, how could I question journalism when I'm the assistant news editor for The Johnsonian, am all over this campus for coverage, always looking for some kind of news to write about, am part of a black journalism organization, write for my church's newsletter, was the editor-in-chief of my school newspaper, has networked with reporters and editors from The Herald to The Charlotte Observer to The Gaston Gazette, have sent my clips to several news organizations and consistently check the latest headlines for Rock Hill's local newspaper?
If anything, I'm made to work at a newspaper. It's in my blood. It's in my sweat. It's even in my tears.
And yet, the second-semester of my junior year, I am--for the first time--considering not working at a newspaper.
Before any of my mass comm. professors deem me hypocritical and inquire as to whether I'm undergoing any kind of crisis of faith, please try to understand where I'm coming from.
The newspaper journalist has changed tremendously with the dawning of social media and an all-pervasive Internet.
News is expected to be updated as soon as it breaks. Facebook and Twitter leave no room for mistakes or lagging behind.
I'm not saying that's a bad thing at all, but it seems that the document-driven, hard news investigating, grammatical-perfecting news reporting of yester-year is no longer as appreciated as it once was.
In addition to Facebook and Twitter, a journalist's work hours have extended.
Steady vacation time is rare.
Holidays happen, but you're always on call.
A journalist's life is driven by the news--trust me, I know. I'm experiencing it already in college.
Do I still enjoy it?
Absolutely!
But, as a tired, overworked and chronically fatigued 20-year-old, do I want to be 40 before I'm 30?
No, not really.
Do I want to neglect my family?
Not at all.
Do I want to occasionally miss church because I need to be in the office?
No I really don't.
Don't get me wrong, I know not only journalists work on Sundays but still, it's the principle of the thing...
I've spoken with former veteran journalists who left the career to focus more on their families. They took "safer" jobs in PR so they could actually be home to cook dinner and at least look their children and spouse in the eyes.
I know two senior journalism majors on The Johnsonian who are preparing to graduate. One is heading for Alaska before starting work. The other is going 'down under,' to Australia. She wants to take a year off before starting at a paper, just because she's felt the stress and pressure of being a student journalist and wants a rest.
Who can blame her?
It's not easy adhering to 50 deadlines at once.
So, I've started to wonder about corporate communications.
The same passion isn't there, to be honest.
But it would be safer. I would get holidays and weekends.
I would go into work at 8:30 and, chances are, be off at 5 or 6.
A lot of journalists hate the stuffy, office life. I know I would too.
Corporate communications forces me to be active--seeking new ways to keep employees, clients, etc. informed on all company activities.
Then, there's more money.
I don't want to sell out my passion for more money, but in this tough economy, it's been a passing thought.
I haven't lost faith in God.
I know He has me; I know He'll place me where He wants me. I'm just wondering if He really wants me at a paper. Would I be as active or effective in ministry? Would I have time to have a life outside of work?
I know many journalists who do have lives outside work, and who do have families.
Still, it's something I've had to consider.
Corporate communications would force me to use my journalistic skills, no doubt, but would it be the same as covering a beat? Would I receive the same satisfaction at the end of the day after writing a comprehensive, detailed feature story or a compelling hard story? Would I get used to not seeing my byline in print?
I can't say for sure anymore.
I'm believing that the answer will become clearer soon.
In the meantime, I'm considering my options with a B.A. in Mass Communication: Journalism.
I'll continue to write for The Johnsonian.
I'll continue to do my best in all that I can do.
Earlier this week, an elder from my church told me that it's good for us to wrestle with what we do or plan to do for a career.
I sure am dragging myself through the mud and enduring a body-slam.
Will it manifest? Will I land where the Lord wants me?
If I continue to put my faith in trust in Him, absolutely.
Just ask me after May 2012.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Never Did Skip
In my three years as a student at Winthrop, I've never intentionally, purposefully skipped a class.
Never.
Not once.
Nada.
Sure, I've entertained the thought but I've never been able to summon the "guts" to skip a class, or take a "mental health day" as some of my peers and friends call it.
The reason being simply guilt.
Every time the thought crossed my mind, I would feel like I would let the professor down, or let myself down.
I would also be giving up a title..."the good student." Sometimes, "the dedicated student."
I shuddered to think what would happen if one of my professors happened not to see me in class one day.
I scoffed at the thought of missing some important piece of information that was surely to be invaluable on the next exam.
No matter how tired, no matter what had occurred in my personal life, I just refused to skip a class.
Is this a good thing?
Not necessarily.
As I said, I didn't want to relinquish the title of "good student." If there's one thing in my years of churchgoing, Bible-reading, ministry-working, is that a person should never chase after a title.
In fact, titles can sometimes be more of a curse than a blessing.
No, "good student" isn't an official title that's going to appear under my name on my degree.
I'm not going to put "good student" next to my GPA on my resume.
Yet, I liked feeling that way. I liked making good grades and being dependable.
Well, last semester, I was surely humbled.
Car trouble led to me missing the last class before the final of my community journalism course.
Fortunately, the final was a paper.
A week later, my own mistake led me to missing my CRTW final.
There I was, walking into Kinard 308 at 3 p.m., striding confidently--ready to tackle my final in-class essay when I realized that I did not recognize one person in that class.
Well, I did recognize one person and probably would have recognized more if I stayed in there long enough to make things twice as awkward, but that's beside the point.
I rushed to my professor's office and, by the grace of God, she allowed me to take my exam.
Still, talk about embarrassing. Imagine how that crushed my "good student" persona in my own mind.
I came to a quick realization.
Number one, no one's perfect. Number two, don't try to be perfect. Number three, eliminate the idea that you can attain any sort of perfection from your consciousness. And finally, number four, no one--even the most seasoned obsessive compulsive disorder (sometimes I wonder if people inflict OCD themselves in order to feel competent in our occasionally elitist society)--is on the top of their game all the time.
With that said, I'm still not going to purposefully skip class--nor do I condone it. What I do condone is a time for mental rest.
I can recall many nights staying on campus late through The Johnsonian layout and then the next morning trudging into class, yawning incessantly and guzzling coffee like I hadn't had anything to drink in days.
It's not always healthy--nor does it feel good.
Being the "good student" along with the "good Christian," "good journalist," "good roommate," "good friend," "good member of organization#1," "good member of organization#2," "good member of organization#3," "good church-goer," and good everything else isn't the most important thing.
God is.
So, for my own sanity and for the love of God, I must take a mental rest day.
It has to happen.
I just pray I realize it before it's too late.
Never.
Not once.
Nada.
Sure, I've entertained the thought but I've never been able to summon the "guts" to skip a class, or take a "mental health day" as some of my peers and friends call it.
The reason being simply guilt.
Every time the thought crossed my mind, I would feel like I would let the professor down, or let myself down.
I would also be giving up a title..."the good student." Sometimes, "the dedicated student."
I shuddered to think what would happen if one of my professors happened not to see me in class one day.
I scoffed at the thought of missing some important piece of information that was surely to be invaluable on the next exam.
No matter how tired, no matter what had occurred in my personal life, I just refused to skip a class.
Is this a good thing?
Not necessarily.
As I said, I didn't want to relinquish the title of "good student." If there's one thing in my years of churchgoing, Bible-reading, ministry-working, is that a person should never chase after a title.
In fact, titles can sometimes be more of a curse than a blessing.
No, "good student" isn't an official title that's going to appear under my name on my degree.
I'm not going to put "good student" next to my GPA on my resume.
Yet, I liked feeling that way. I liked making good grades and being dependable.
Well, last semester, I was surely humbled.
Car trouble led to me missing the last class before the final of my community journalism course.
Fortunately, the final was a paper.
A week later, my own mistake led me to missing my CRTW final.
There I was, walking into Kinard 308 at 3 p.m., striding confidently--ready to tackle my final in-class essay when I realized that I did not recognize one person in that class.
Well, I did recognize one person and probably would have recognized more if I stayed in there long enough to make things twice as awkward, but that's beside the point.
I rushed to my professor's office and, by the grace of God, she allowed me to take my exam.
Still, talk about embarrassing. Imagine how that crushed my "good student" persona in my own mind.
I came to a quick realization.
Number one, no one's perfect. Number two, don't try to be perfect. Number three, eliminate the idea that you can attain any sort of perfection from your consciousness. And finally, number four, no one--even the most seasoned obsessive compulsive disorder (sometimes I wonder if people inflict OCD themselves in order to feel competent in our occasionally elitist society)--is on the top of their game all the time.
With that said, I'm still not going to purposefully skip class--nor do I condone it. What I do condone is a time for mental rest.
I can recall many nights staying on campus late through The Johnsonian layout and then the next morning trudging into class, yawning incessantly and guzzling coffee like I hadn't had anything to drink in days.
It's not always healthy--nor does it feel good.
Being the "good student" along with the "good Christian," "good journalist," "good roommate," "good friend," "good member of organization#1," "good member of organization#2," "good member of organization#3," "good church-goer," and good everything else isn't the most important thing.
God is.
So, for my own sanity and for the love of God, I must take a mental rest day.
It has to happen.
I just pray I realize it before it's too late.
NABJ hosts cultural event program, impresses yet again
Ok, so the headline may be a little biased and subjective, but come on, why not do some internal reporting/bragging on a personal blog?
WUNABJ (Winthrop University Association of Black Journalists) hosted and facilitated, "Is It Because I'm Black?" a panel featuring several black professionals discussing racial discrimination, stereotyping and career advancement in the workplace.
It was also an approved cultural event, something all Winthrop students need if they plan to walk across the stage.
All I have to say is that I'm very proud of this organization.
It's an unexplainable feeling to see something you're a part of grow and gain notoriety.
I'm not saying we're infamous on campus, but we're a black organization that's doing something big.
I'm not saying other black organizations on campus don't, but we're a bit different. We're a group full of up and coming, aspiring black media professionals and we're doing well. We're putting on mixers--something Winthrop's Mass Comm. department hasn't done before. We're winning cultural event status--something the Society of Professional Journalists hasn't been too successful at doing.
Not to look down on my own academic department, but I feel that NABJ has really made some strides in the last couple of months and I pray that we continue to go forward.
I thank God that I'm a part of this organization and I thank God for the people I work with. We may not all talk the same, look the same or agree about the same things at all times, but one thing we do agree about--we want NABJ to be big and we want to make a difference.
More importantly, we realize and appreciate the importance of networking.
Great job NABJ...let's keep it moving!
WUNABJ (Winthrop University Association of Black Journalists) hosted and facilitated, "Is It Because I'm Black?" a panel featuring several black professionals discussing racial discrimination, stereotyping and career advancement in the workplace.
It was also an approved cultural event, something all Winthrop students need if they plan to walk across the stage.
All I have to say is that I'm very proud of this organization.
It's an unexplainable feeling to see something you're a part of grow and gain notoriety.
I'm not saying we're infamous on campus, but we're a black organization that's doing something big.
I'm not saying other black organizations on campus don't, but we're a bit different. We're a group full of up and coming, aspiring black media professionals and we're doing well. We're putting on mixers--something Winthrop's Mass Comm. department hasn't done before. We're winning cultural event status--something the Society of Professional Journalists hasn't been too successful at doing.
Not to look down on my own academic department, but I feel that NABJ has really made some strides in the last couple of months and I pray that we continue to go forward.
I thank God that I'm a part of this organization and I thank God for the people I work with. We may not all talk the same, look the same or agree about the same things at all times, but one thing we do agree about--we want NABJ to be big and we want to make a difference.
More importantly, we realize and appreciate the importance of networking.
Great job NABJ...let's keep it moving!
Friday, February 18, 2011
Just Relax Already! Geez!
So, it's been a while since I've blogged. I know one of the primary tenets of blogging is consistency, but when you're writing and reporting constantly, a college student who lives off-campus, dedicated to ministry and trying to avoid stress, some things end up being neglected.
That's what brings me to my newest treatise (just a joke, of course). Really, this feels like a random spool of thoughts, but where better to spool?
Busyness is never a good thing. If there's one common theme that's permeated my blog is that I've battled with a "busy spirit" for a while now.
Something in me can't stand not doing anything. If I'm sitting down in my apartment, with nothing to do but relax, my entire being becomes shaken.
I get jittery.
I look for things to do.
I actually experience "relaxer's guilt," bringing about my own feelings of worthlessness, laziness and conviction from not overwhelming myself with "meaningful" tasks.
About two days ago, I took some time to scour the blogs of The Gaston Gazette's reporters. One of them, Amanda Memrick, was a featured panelist at the CAABJ Student Forum I and several other NABJ members attended last October.
As I was reading through Memrick's posts, I came upon one where she described her own busyness. She chronicled her efforts not to check her SmartPhone, check her e-mail or think about the stories for the week that needed to be written.
She actually tried to enjoy her weekend off.
She credited technology for the world's preoccupation with work.
I think she has a point.
Once upon a time, leisure was a very important part of life.
Let's look at God's command to the Israelites that they take the seventh day of the week to do no work.
Instead, they were to relax.
All cooking, cleaning and any other sort of preparation needed to be taken care of the day before the Sabbath.
If anyone was found working on the Sabbath, they would die.
Of course, Jesus Christ fulfilled the Mosaic Law so that we no longer have to live by the many rules and regulations one can find throughout Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy.
Still, I firmly believe Jesus wants us to relax.
Why?
Because it brings much-needed refreshment and rejuvenation.
"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"~ Matthew 28:11
"Be still and know that I am God"~ Psalm 46:10
"Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him..."~ Psalm 37:7 (some translations say, "Rest in the Lord...")
These are only three scriptures to illustrate the importance of rest.
Are we commissioned to go into all the world and seek the lost? Yes
Are we given a very important work? Yes indeed
Is the harvest right, but the workers few? Yuppers.
Does that mean we should all burn ourselves out and wear our bodies out until we're ineffective ourselves and, not only do we not enjoy life, but we no longer enjoy Christ or ministry? I don't think so.
As the Israelites traveled through the wilderness, Moses acted as the people's holy liaison to God--he was their access point to the Almighty.
Several times, Moses had to intercede for the people after they disobeyed one of God's commands and were two seconds away from experiencing the totality of His unbridled wrath.
In Exodus 18, after the Israelites have just defeated the Amelakites (OT prototypes for the flesh), Moses sat as a judge for the people, settling their disputes and providing for their needs.
His father-in-law Jethro had come to visit him and was a bit disturbed at what he witnessed. Moses was doing all the work!
Jethro, in not so many words, told Moses that the burden would be too heavy for him--instead he needed to delegate responsibilities so that the work did not overwhelm him or anyone else (paraphrase of Exodus 18:13-23).
Similarly, in Acts, as the Early Church began to undergo its initial formation, the Hellenists (Greeks/Gentiles) began to complain that their widows were being neglected in the daily distribution of food.
The disciples though were on fire (figuratively, yet literally). The Holy Spirit had just come at Pentecost and true evangelism began.
But, how could the disciples preach the Gospel, make and mentor disciples, watch over the church, take care of the widows, etc.?
Though they were given divine power by God, they were still human.
Thus, the 12 (not including Judas, but including Matthias) gathered together and chose seven men from among their number to serve as overseers of the people (this is where we get our duties of the office of the deacon--Acts 6:1-7; 1 Timothy 3:8-13).
The point is, no man is an island.
None of us can do it alone, and it makes no sense to try. What we could do instead is overwhelm ourselves with so many jobs, tasks and responsibilities that we miss out on what God truly wants for us and others.
Let's remember Mary and Martha, who while hosting Jesus at their home, took on two separate roles.
While Martha was the busy-bee taking care of the household business, Mary stayed at the feet of Jesus--speaking with Him and spending time in His awesome presence.
Sometimes, we just need to stop the hustle and kneel at Jesus' feet. There are things He wants to tell us, but we won't hear unless we're as attentive as Samuel (1 Samuel 3; Luke 10:38-41). Once Samuel stopped and listened, God began to reveal himself at Shiloh, after there had been no revelation for years.
Personally, I want to hear from the Lord. There seemed to be a time where I could hear Him so clearly, but then I became so preoccupied. First, it started with two jobs, then a heavy work load with school and The Johnsonian and now I find myself in a cycle.
I'm sick of the cycle and I'm ready for change.
Yes, we have to work. We can't take relaxation as an excuse for being lazy--because that also brings about ineffectiveness.
But, we can't work ourselves to the ground till the point we lose all heart. Before we know it, we'll grow weary in well-doing and faint. Like the church at Ephesus in Revelation 2, we'll forget our first love and just continue to do good work.
Good work is great and all, but I rather be with Jesus; I rather be in His presence--flawed and all--than attempt to be a perfectionist workaholic that feels heavy on the inside.
"Therefore, my beloved, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the work of the Lord, because you know that in the Lord your labor is not in vain"~ 1 Corinthians 15:58 (NRSV).
That's what brings me to my newest treatise (just a joke, of course). Really, this feels like a random spool of thoughts, but where better to spool?
Busyness is never a good thing. If there's one common theme that's permeated my blog is that I've battled with a "busy spirit" for a while now.
Something in me can't stand not doing anything. If I'm sitting down in my apartment, with nothing to do but relax, my entire being becomes shaken.
I get jittery.
I look for things to do.
I actually experience "relaxer's guilt," bringing about my own feelings of worthlessness, laziness and conviction from not overwhelming myself with "meaningful" tasks.
About two days ago, I took some time to scour the blogs of The Gaston Gazette's reporters. One of them, Amanda Memrick, was a featured panelist at the CAABJ Student Forum I and several other NABJ members attended last October.
As I was reading through Memrick's posts, I came upon one where she described her own busyness. She chronicled her efforts not to check her SmartPhone, check her e-mail or think about the stories for the week that needed to be written.
She actually tried to enjoy her weekend off.
She credited technology for the world's preoccupation with work.
I think she has a point.
Once upon a time, leisure was a very important part of life.
Let's look at God's command to the Israelites that they take the seventh day of the week to do no work.
Instead, they were to relax.
All cooking, cleaning and any other sort of preparation needed to be taken care of the day before the Sabbath.
If anyone was found working on the Sabbath, they would die.
Of course, Jesus Christ fulfilled the Mosaic Law so that we no longer have to live by the many rules and regulations one can find throughout Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy.
Still, I firmly believe Jesus wants us to relax.
Why?
Because it brings much-needed refreshment and rejuvenation.
"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"~ Matthew 28:11
"Be still and know that I am God"~ Psalm 46:10
"Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him..."~ Psalm 37:7 (some translations say, "Rest in the Lord...")
These are only three scriptures to illustrate the importance of rest.
Are we commissioned to go into all the world and seek the lost? Yes
Are we given a very important work? Yes indeed
Is the harvest right, but the workers few? Yuppers.
Does that mean we should all burn ourselves out and wear our bodies out until we're ineffective ourselves and, not only do we not enjoy life, but we no longer enjoy Christ or ministry? I don't think so.
As the Israelites traveled through the wilderness, Moses acted as the people's holy liaison to God--he was their access point to the Almighty.
Several times, Moses had to intercede for the people after they disobeyed one of God's commands and were two seconds away from experiencing the totality of His unbridled wrath.
In Exodus 18, after the Israelites have just defeated the Amelakites (OT prototypes for the flesh), Moses sat as a judge for the people, settling their disputes and providing for their needs.
His father-in-law Jethro had come to visit him and was a bit disturbed at what he witnessed. Moses was doing all the work!
Jethro, in not so many words, told Moses that the burden would be too heavy for him--instead he needed to delegate responsibilities so that the work did not overwhelm him or anyone else (paraphrase of Exodus 18:13-23).
Similarly, in Acts, as the Early Church began to undergo its initial formation, the Hellenists (Greeks/Gentiles) began to complain that their widows were being neglected in the daily distribution of food.
The disciples though were on fire (figuratively, yet literally). The Holy Spirit had just come at Pentecost and true evangelism began.
But, how could the disciples preach the Gospel, make and mentor disciples, watch over the church, take care of the widows, etc.?
Though they were given divine power by God, they were still human.
Thus, the 12 (not including Judas, but including Matthias) gathered together and chose seven men from among their number to serve as overseers of the people (this is where we get our duties of the office of the deacon--Acts 6:1-7; 1 Timothy 3:8-13).
The point is, no man is an island.
None of us can do it alone, and it makes no sense to try. What we could do instead is overwhelm ourselves with so many jobs, tasks and responsibilities that we miss out on what God truly wants for us and others.
Let's remember Mary and Martha, who while hosting Jesus at their home, took on two separate roles.
While Martha was the busy-bee taking care of the household business, Mary stayed at the feet of Jesus--speaking with Him and spending time in His awesome presence.
Sometimes, we just need to stop the hustle and kneel at Jesus' feet. There are things He wants to tell us, but we won't hear unless we're as attentive as Samuel (1 Samuel 3; Luke 10:38-41). Once Samuel stopped and listened, God began to reveal himself at Shiloh, after there had been no revelation for years.
Personally, I want to hear from the Lord. There seemed to be a time where I could hear Him so clearly, but then I became so preoccupied. First, it started with two jobs, then a heavy work load with school and The Johnsonian and now I find myself in a cycle.
I'm sick of the cycle and I'm ready for change.
Yes, we have to work. We can't take relaxation as an excuse for being lazy--because that also brings about ineffectiveness.
But, we can't work ourselves to the ground till the point we lose all heart. Before we know it, we'll grow weary in well-doing and faint. Like the church at Ephesus in Revelation 2, we'll forget our first love and just continue to do good work.
Good work is great and all, but I rather be with Jesus; I rather be in His presence--flawed and all--than attempt to be a perfectionist workaholic that feels heavy on the inside.
"Therefore, my beloved, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the work of the Lord, because you know that in the Lord your labor is not in vain"~ 1 Corinthians 15:58 (NRSV).
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