Never Did Skip

In my three years as a student at Winthrop, I've never intentionally, purposefully skipped a class.

Never.

Not once.

Nada.

Sure, I've entertained the thought but I've never been able to summon the "guts" to skip a class, or take a "mental health day" as some of my peers and friends call it.

The reason being simply guilt.

Every time the thought crossed my mind, I would feel like I would let the professor down, or let myself down.

I would also be giving up a title..."the good student." Sometimes, "the dedicated student."

I shuddered to think what would happen if one of my professors happened not to see me in class one day.

I scoffed at the thought of missing some important piece of information that was surely to be invaluable on the next exam.

No matter how tired, no matter what had occurred in my personal life, I just refused to skip a class.

Is this a good thing?

Not necessarily.

As I said, I didn't want to relinquish the title of "good student." If there's one thing in my years of churchgoing, Bible-reading, ministry-working, is that a person should never chase after a title.

In fact, titles can sometimes be more of a curse than a blessing.

No, "good student" isn't an official title that's going to appear under my name on my degree.

I'm not going to put "good student" next to my GPA on my resume.

Yet, I liked feeling that way. I liked making good grades and being dependable.

Well, last semester, I was surely humbled.

Car trouble led to me missing the last class before the final of my community journalism course.

Fortunately, the final was a paper.

A week later, my own mistake led me to missing my CRTW final.

There I was, walking into Kinard 308 at 3 p.m., striding confidently--ready to tackle my final in-class essay when I realized that I did not recognize one person in that class.

Well, I did recognize one person and probably would have recognized more if I stayed in there long enough to make things twice as awkward, but that's beside the point.

I rushed to my professor's office and, by the grace of God, she allowed me to take my exam.

Still, talk about embarrassing. Imagine how that crushed my "good student" persona in my own mind.

I came to a quick realization.

Number one, no one's perfect. Number two, don't try to be perfect. Number three, eliminate the idea that you can attain any sort of perfection from your consciousness. And finally, number four, no one--even the most seasoned obsessive compulsive disorder (sometimes I wonder if people inflict OCD themselves in order to feel competent in our occasionally elitist society)--is on the top of their game all the time.

With that said, I'm still not going to purposefully skip class--nor do I condone it. What I do condone is a time for mental rest.

I can recall many nights staying on campus late through The Johnsonian layout and then the next morning trudging into class, yawning incessantly and guzzling coffee like I hadn't had anything to drink in days.

It's not always healthy--nor does it feel good.

Being the "good student" along with the "good Christian," "good journalist," "good roommate," "good friend," "good member of organization#1," "good member of organization#2," "good member of organization#3," "good church-goer," and good everything else isn't the most important thing.

God is.

So, for my own sanity and for the love of God, I must take a mental rest day.

It has to happen.

I just pray I realize it before it's too late.